So the manufacturers of BaconSalt™ revealed Baconlube to be a well-executed April Fool’s joke, but as they themselves admit, the joke turned out to be on them.
Not only did the product seem feasible enough to raise my hackles and cause me to spout somewhat obscene things all over my site like dribble down the front of a toothless stroke-victim eating soup, it actually elicited VOLUNTEERS for beta-testing!
This one goes well to demonstrate points I have already attempted to make regarding the over-fetishization of bacon as a foodstuff, in that it demonstrates the LITERAL fetishization of bacon:
”Got to try it. Used real bacon grease as a nice massage oil but now with lube – wow.”
That’s what someone actually wrote in response. Now, in seeing the demand for this, one question remains: Will BaconSalt™ maintain their reputation as chemical-food-like-substance manufacturer, or will they delve deep into the seedy underbelly of the processed food market? The seediest portion, of course, being that of flavored sexual aids.
Whatever they do, I hope the bacon candle burns itself out soon. It’s fine food, and demonstrates the craftiness of humanity in the face of non-refrigerated meat preservation. The salt deters bacteria, while smoking renders the meat distasteful to flies, and of course both of these taste delicious to humans. However, this rampant one-ups-manship of internet spread bacon concoctions fills me with disgust, nausea, and an odd desire to counter trends through vegetarianism.
For fuck’s sake, it’s making me want to eat CUCUMBERS.
The end is nigh, one way or another.
RJC
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